Looking Past the Bars

                Another form of isolation to look at this month is prison.  It’s a necessary thing to punish people when they do wrong.  But, everyone makes mistakes.  What makes the man or woman is what they do once the mistake is made.  Many need support to get through the tough times.  There are some churches or communities who have prison ministries.  These dedicated men and women write letters to people who are in prison to give them hope during their incarceration. 

                Once released, the former prisoners have to make a choice.  They can stay on the path that they chose before prison, or create a new path.  This new path takes hard work and dedication.  Many carry the stigma of having gone to prison.  Many need a leg up.  St. Leonard’s House in Chicago, Illinois offers that leg up, providing housing, life skills programs, substance abuse treatment and counseling, education and employment services and many other opportunities to begin their new life.  Volunteers can help out in a myriad of ways.  One important way is to share a meal with residents.  This breaks through the wall of isolation and lets some light through. 

I’ve said it before; just knowing that someone cares can be enough to turn someone’s life around.  Whether you choose to show that you care in person or through a letter does not matter.   What matters is that you show that you care. 

A Cup of Hot Cocoa to Warm Your Heart

                If you are in the Midwest, you are hunkering down in the warmth of your home, sometimes bravely stepping out to check the mail.  It is COLD.  But, that’s the hazard of living in this region of the United States.  One particularly cold Saturday morning, there was a young lady; I’m guessing Junior High age, selling hot chocolate in front of her house.  I stopped to buy a cup of the sweet elixir with marshmallows of course, and found out that all of the proceeds were going to the food pantry.   What a great idea!  The hot chocolate was the best I have ever had.  I wonder if it was because the young lady made it with such great intentions. 

                I love stories like this because as adults, we find ourselves thinking that we can’t help.  We don’t feel we have the resources to make a change.  Yet, here is a young lady who has fewer resources than the average working adult finding a way to help.  Every little bit counts.  On our township’s food pantry website, they have a quote from Mother Theresa.   “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”  Today let's think of ways to help those who are alone fighting hunger.

Fresh Ears and Fresh Stories

                Two years ago, we were able to visit my father-in-law on the Fourth of July.  The Assisted Living Home where he stays had a picnic in their parking lot.  It was a great time and I remember realizing that most of the men there had served in the military during World War II.  I felt honored to celebrate the Fourth amongst such great company. 

I think too many times, we forget what interesting lives our elderly relatives have lived.  Maybe it’s because we’ve heard the same story over and over again.  Maybe we need fresh ears.  But, if it’s fresh stories you yearn for, there are volumes in the nursing homes. 

Often times, the residents of nursing homes feel isolated and alone.  Most nursing homes have activities such as Bingo or Birthday parties to try and curb those feelings.  These activities are a great volunteer opportunity for those who enjoy working with the elderly.  Meal times give residents an opportunity to socialize, but many of them need to be transported to the dining room by volunteers. 

Taking some time to let a resident “bend your ear” for a while, is a wonderful volunteer opportunity which enriches the lives of the resident as well as the volunteer.  The resident can tell a story that their family has stopped listening to and the volunteer will gain lasting memories.  It’s a win-win situation.  I’ll never forget the story a resident at a nursing home told me about taking the train to Chicago.  At the time, she was a teacher taking her class on a field trip.  One of her students lost their tooth on the train.  The description the teacher gave me of her “back end up in the air” looking under the seats for her student’s tooth was priceless.  We both laughed until our sides hurt.

In the month of January, please think about those who are sitting in the nursing home alone, waiting for someone to talk to.  If you have a story about your experience volunteering at a nursing home that you would like to share please email me at sowaseednow@gmail.com.

Sleep Overs at the Shelter?

            Play dates and sleep-overs are things that children look forward to.  They get to hang out at their friend’s house, stay up all night, and eat junk food, play lots of games, and laugh and giggle the night (or afternoon) away.  But what if you don’t have a home to invite your friends to?  When we think of homeless, we think of the guy on the street corner asking for change.  But in reality, there are many children out there who are homeless.  What can we do to help them?

            One option is to help out in places such as Home of the Sparrow, an organization which supports homeless women and children.  There are many volunteer opportunities to find on their website www.hosparrow.org.   You can volunteer to work in their thrift shops.  You can volunteer as a childcare volunteer in the shelter-an opportunity to play games, do crafts, and just have fun with the children.  If you like to read, you can volunteer to be a book buddy and read to a child once a week. 

            Another worthwhile website to check out is www.homelesschildrenamerica.org.  The site gives a list of ideas on ways in which you can help these children and their families.    If you join their mailing list, they will send you information on events and opportunities in your area to help.

            Homelessness not only isolates the people that we ignore as we walk down the street, it isolates the children who are affected too.  Let’s try to end it. 

One Last Word on Domestic Violence

            Not everyone can write a book.  But we all have things that we can do to help.  Continuing with the discussion on loneliness or isolation caused by abuse, there are many avenues that can be explored.  It can be as simple as collecting toys to fill the playroom of Life Span an organization that assists the victims of domestic violence.  This act was accomplished by a junior high student who heard about the organization’s need and was able to help create a safe environment for the children to play in while their mothers are being counseled. 

            Women in Need Growing Stronger (WINGS) is another organization which helps abused women.  There are many volunteer opportunities which include, but are not limited to, cooking, working in their resale shops, and assisting with their kid's group.  You can also help them by donating any of the items they are in need of as listed on their website.  Of course you can always donate your gently used items to one of their resale shops.  Every little bit helps.

            Above all, in any situation where someone feels alone and isolated, the knowledge that someone out there cares is great medicine.  This month continue to try to think of ways in which you can show you care and I will do the same.  Together we can make a difference in someone’s life

An Interview With Pat LaPointe

                I had a chance to interview Pat LaPointe, author and editor of “The Woman I’ve Become,” an anthology of women who have overcome toxic relationships.  The stories in the anthology are an inspiration and I highly recommend the book.

 

D.  We’ll start with the obvious question:  What inspired you to create this anthology?

P.  There were several significant reasons for creating this anthology.  First, during my years of counseling with women, I found that some form of abuse often created the issues/pathology with which they presented.  Second, and relatedly, for most, meeting with a counselor was the first time in which they could “voice” their abuse.  Third, although society has become increasingly more open to acknowledging and addressing abuse, there was a lack of material available that was presented from the individual victim/survivors perspective.  Fourth, it was my intent to offer stories from women who have been in toxic relationships and survived/thrived as inspiration for those still struggling with the aftermath of these relationships.

D.  The anthology has a story for just about every relationship possible in a woman’s life.  How difficult was the process of finding a story for every woman?

P.  I received nearly one hundred submissions.  I used several factors in deciding which material would be used:  demographics such as age, geographical location, education and writing experience.  This allowed me to include women ages 17 to 80, from the United States, Canada and South Africa, and those that were published writers as well as those who had never submitted their writing for publication.  I also wanted to include essays that showed varying degrees of self empowerment achieved by these women.  That is, some have discovered empowerment some time ago and told of how they were thriving.  Others had just begun their journey to self empowerment.  Also in keeping with my intention for these women to share their “voices,” I did minimal editing to their work.

D.  As I read your anthology, I found myself taking time out for self-examination, wondering what affect my actions may have on others.  When you created this anthology, what did you hope to give your readers?

P.  I would have to say encouragement, hope, acknowledgement and inspiration.  Encouragement for those who may not yet begun their journeys.  Hope for those who worry that they may never be able to let go of the toxic relationships.  Acknowledgement of those who have journeyed this far, and inspiration to all women who find themselves in difficult situations.

D.  The most uplifting stories for me were those that honored the people who helped the women to see themselves as worth something.  Were you surprised to receive submissions of that nature?

P.  Not really.  There are so many ways in which a woman becomes who she was meant to be, being assisted in this process is just one of these ways.  Even when a woman gained self empowerment with the help of another, it was her readiness and willingness to embark on this journey that created an environment in which change could occur.

D.  The stories in your anthology are very inspiring.  What would you tell someone who is hesitant to read the book because they expect it to be full of “poor me” stories?

P.  If I had only included stories of their abuses, I would agree that they would appear to the reader as “poor me.”  But, the purpose was not to be voyeurs into troubled lives.  As a result the stories reflect positive attitudes, behavior and life changes.

Isolated by Pain

Pat LaPointe, author of “The Woman I’ve Become,” has brought to my attention yet another group of people who feel isolated and alone.  She writes, “In the 60’s and 70’s women began to fight for others to hear and listen to their voices.  And there were some significant changes for many women. There is one group of women, however, who often continue to remain silent. These are the women who have suffered abuse: incest, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. Not only weren’t their voices heard, but they often felt too embarrassed or responsible for the abuse to talk about it. They not only remained silent, but felt complete isolation, often believing they were the only ones who had these experiences.” 

Pat goes on to say, “In my work counseling women, they would present with other issues: anxiety, lack of self-confidence, negative self-images and loneliness. But in more than half the cases, the basis for the problems was some form of abuse they had suffered or were currently suffering.”

          Once these women found that they were not alone, the healing process could begin.  After years of hearing their stories Pat decided that she wanted to give the women a voice with the hope that their words would inspire other women and also reduce their feelings of loneliness.   So she put a call out to these women asking them to tell their stories.  Some brave women came forward and the book, “The Woman I’ve Become,” was written as a compilation of their inspirational stories.  

          I had a chance to speak with Pat about her book and the interview will be shared in my next post.